Disclaimer: This is from the point of view as a stay at home mom. All moms have struggles, these are my struggles as a stay at home mom.
Growing up, I wanted to be very few things. I had dreams of becoming a dolphin trainer, not too sure why. My other idea was a dental hygienist, until I heard math was very important (I am not good, nor do I enjoy math at all) But, my main job I always wanted was to do was to be a mom. That was it, to care for my own children. I know there is nothing wrong with this, I was just more family focused than career focused. Even though I know there is nothing wrong with being more family focused, I still struggle with this decision from time to time.
I love being a stay at home mom, don't get me wrong. At times I feel like I am just a stay at home mom, JUST, a word many stay at home parents put in-front of our title. Why? Why do we add just to the start? What do you do for a living? Oh i'm just a stay at home mom. No. I am a stay at home mom. I do it all, all day long, no breaks. I need to take charge and pride in my title. I personally feel because I do not work outside of the house, I am less than, or not as successful in life. I struggle at times when I am with family or friends, and they are all talking about their jobs. Here I am, at home all the time with nothing to add to the conversation, unless we are talking about dirty diapers or temper tantrums.
Let's go back to me saying I feel less than, because this is a real feeling.
I always have a concern that because I am a stay at home mom, people may perceive me as inadequate to make a career for myself. I fear people see me as someone one has no determination to be successful. Do people respect me for being a stay at home mom? I don't know if I respect myself for being a stay at home mom because I have a lot of guilt about it, which I will get into later.
People are respected a lot based on their job. Anyone in the medical field gets a ton of respect (especially during covid, which yes THANK YOU!), tell someone your a cop and you are respected. Tell someone you are a teacher, wow you are shaping young minds. Maybe your a engineer, wow so smart. Now, I agree all these careers are amazing and such an accomplishment but that's not what this blog is about. A stay at home mom, what are you? What is a stay at home mom? Lazy? Couldn't make it in the work industry? No, stay at home moms/dads are freaking superheroes.
How was your lunch break today? Mine was busy, so damn busy. I didn't get a lunch today, never do. Your drive into work? I didn't have a drive into work because as soon as my clients woke up, I was on the clock. Drive from work? The walk from their bedrooms, after I put them to bed, to the living room was lovely. Social time with co-workers? I did text a friend today, although I do believe I never replied to the last message as I got side tracked cleaning up Olivia's pee on the floor. I also talked to my mom on the phone for a total of 30 minutes, 27 of those minutes were likely spent breaking up fights and answering Isabelles question on why flies fly. Did you get respect from your boss today? I sure as heck did not. Instead I was told I am the meanest mom because I wouldn't let Isabelle cut off Isaac (our cat) whiskers. Olivia also threw her cup at my today when she finished her juice, and man does she have a arm on her. Side note: Put Olivia in baseball. Is your pay good? Mine isn't. Yes, I get paid in hugs and kisses, although I do love that, it's not real cold hard cash. I can't buy myself a new outfit with hugs and kisses, I mean I could try but it may not end well. Especially during Covid. Holiday party? Those were always my favourite, my old work did the best work parties. My Holiday work parties are now watching Home Alone while making gingerbread cookies. Now that one doesn't actually sound that bad, that one may be a plus.
The amount of work a stay at home parent does in a day is insane. A typical day in my life is as follows.
Wake up in the morning, feeling like P diddy. Grab my glasses i'm out the door i'm gunna hit this city...I wish...Instead I try to get my contacts in my eyes so I can see the world. Being asked 17 times for a bottle before I even have sight in one eye. Finally have view of the world, go to make myself my morning tea, which I will heat up at least 4 times. Sit on the couch and enjoy some Breakfast Television, "I wake up with BT!" Did I win? No, doesn't work like that? OK. Half way through my tea, it's time to deal with some issue that has arose. Make the girls some breakfast, usually a smoothie per Isabelle's menu request. At this time I usually pack up Isabelle's school lunch, trying to pack a mix of healthy foods and foods she will actually eat. Make sure she has anything and everything she will need throughout the day. Get myself ready, usually heat up my tea for the first time. Get both girls ready, try to fight with Isabelle to allow me to do her hair so she doesn't look like cousin it. I usually loose this battle. Fight with Olivia to pee before we leave so she doesn't have an accident on our walk to school. Finally have everyone dressed and looking somewhat put together, the girls not me. Take that long walk to school, it's actually just down the road but with these girls it takes forever. Some days their shoes they wore just yesterday don't fit all of a sudden, or they don't want to wear their coat on a -18 degrees day. Maybe they see a squirrel that they want to try to pet, and give a name usually princess. We finally make it to school, say our long goodbyes and Olivia and I start that walk back home. To give you an idea, our school is about a 5 minute walk, our record time has been 45 minutes. The amount of stuff that goes on in that one walk is enough for the day.
Olivia and I finally make it home, now it is time for a Popsicle (her) and I do all the dishes that we accumulated over the morning. Which if you saw how many dirty dishes we had, you would think I had a neighbourhood buffet. After those are complete, I throw on a load of laundry, Yes that happens everyday and I still, somehow, always have laundry to do. Once that is on, its finally time to sit down with Olivia and do some speech exercises. Olivia is almost 3 but is still hard to understand, so we see a speech therapist and I have different strategies to work on with her to improve her language. If it's a nice day, we usually go for a walk or outside to play.
By this time, it is time for lunch. Olivia eats her lunch and now it is the best time of the day...NAP TIME! I do have to keep a close eye on her monitor as she will try to sneak out of her bed. Once she is finally asleep, I do more housework. I usually try to finish all my housework in that time. If I have any time left over, I will sit down and catch up on one of my many shows. I am actually currently 2 weeks behind on Grey's Anatomy, this NEVER happens but life is just so busy lately. So don't tell me if you know if Meredith wakes up or not yet, because I still don't know.
Olivia wakes up, and we have about an hour before we have to go pick up Isabelle at school. During this time, we usually play or do more speech activities. We take our long walk to pick up Isabelle, they usually hug as soon as they see each other and about 12 seconds later they are fighting over a rock.
Drop off and pick up at school are actually probably my favourite part of the day, can you guess why?? Social time!!! I get to talk to other parents, people who won't cry over a stick that tripped them...unless they are having a really bad day, we've all been there. I have met so many nice parents during these times, and have come to have a routine with them. We walk together, and drop off at the same time. Two of the moms I talk to everyday both have children in Isabelle's class, so that makes it even better!
After my little social time, its back to reality. So, we start our walk home. Random mom rant; if you see children waiting to cross the road, just stop and let them. That simple kind gesture is completely lost. I see it multiple times daily. And listen, if you don't want to stop at least slow down. We get home and everything is dropped at the front door for mom the maid. I get the girls to hang up their own stuff, but that is usually a 10 minute fight. We get in, Isabelle and Olivia both take some down time Yipee! while I clean up all her dishes from school, wash her masks and get everything ready for the next day of school.
Now, it's time to play usually family as per Isabelle's request. We basically play that I am the mom and she is the kid, so my adult brain doesn't quite understand how to play because this is normal life but anyways, we play until it's time to cook dinner.
I cook while the girls play, fight, together. I usually cook something they will hate because they only like chicken fingers and pizza. I make homemade pizza every Monday for an easy dinner, and that is the only easy dinner we have. While I have dinner cooking, I usually have to clean up a pee or cuddle a crying kid. I do this while hoping our food doesn't burn. At this time, Justin usually comes home and goes straight into the shower. Dinner is finally ready and we all sit at the table together. The girls take one look at our dinner and both say "yuck" so the fight begins. We started a rule, not too sure how good it is, that if they don't eat dinner they can have a banana. That's it. That's your only option and you get nothing else. We go through a lot of bananas in our house.
Now, it's time to clean up after dinner which I usually get help from my husband but that's mostly because I didn't go to university for dishwasher loader, apparently he did.
After that is all cleaned up, it is either bath night which both girls like to do alone now...means more work. Or it is family time, so we might play hide and seek or go for a walk.
Bedtime, yes thank you for bedtime. "Girls, time to get your pajamas on" That phrase apparently means to run away and scream no, so the fight begins. We finally get our kids dressed, brush their teeth and use the toilet before bed. We all go into Olivia's room, give her hugs and kisses goodnight. I stay with her and read her a song book, so I guess I sing her a song book. Justin goes in with Isabelle and they play I spy. It's time to switch now, Justin goes in and does a light book with Olivia and I read to Isabelle.
Once we read our story we lay down on her bed and have girl talk. We talk about everything, our feelings that day, anything that happened at school. I usually get told about the same things. What happened in music class, she loves music. I take full responsibility as I love music. I have zero musical talents, but my girls are so use to listening to music since I always have it going on in the house. Usually Hanson, which Isabelle is not fond of, i'm still working on this issue.
Music is by far her favourite class and teacher so I always get the 411 on what instrument he brought that day, or what crazy dance they did. I even sometimes get a demonstration on the dance her teacher did, and let me tell you he has some moves. I love music days because I know I will get told something about her day. I have been asked every night after her music days to tell her music teacher to play his guitar and sing, apparently she doesn't understand she is fully capable of talking to him too.
So Mr. Scott, if your reading this, please bring your guitar and sing like you would around a campfire. It is highly requested by Isabelle.
I am also told about who has a crush on who, yes that starts at 5. She says she has none, but while wearing a huge smirk on her face.
I love this time because we are both open and honest. If I had a rough day I talk to her about it. I really hope we can keep this up. This is my # 1 goal with my girls, I want them to be honest with me and have no fear about it. Once we've talked about our day, we give big hugs and kisses, say goodnight and I am off the clock, unless one of them can't fall asleep.
Now, this is the time I should do self care or be a wife but you know what? This is the time I make myself a tea and sit on the couch to watch a show. It's kind of self care, a tea, and marriage time because we watch a show together. (Unless I'm catching up on The Masked Singer because my boys, Hanson, are on it--sorry spoiler if your watching.)
After a show, I get myself ready for bed. When I am in bed, I usually watch some YouTube videos. I love makeup and baking videos. After awhile, I go to bed.
Usually Isabelle wakes up at least once in the night, so I am up with her trying to put her back to sleep. If it's a bad night, she will wake up at 3am for the day...those days are hard. As I said before, I am always on the clock.
Now, there are a ton of benefits to being a stay at home mom. I love that I can volunteer (before Covid) at the school, if Isabelle is sick I don't have to call into work, if I want to go see my parents or in-laws for the day I can. I can meet up with some friends for playdates. If i'm not feeling well, I don't have to leave the house. If there is an appointment, I can always make it work. Best of all, I get to spend so much time with my girls.
Even though there are a lot of benefits, and this is the lifestyle Justin and I both picked, I can't help but feel i'm not pulling my weight.
He has all these hopes and dreams for this life, and with me not making any money those are just that, dreams. Maybe if I was more successful we could have a nicer house, go on yearly trips, he could get his snowmobile that he wants. I do feel guilt that I am not contributing financially to our family. I know I contribute in many other ways, but money is so important. I need to stop with this guilty feeling, I am extremely important. I have a huge job, although not paid, I still run this household. I do all the work so Justin doesn't have to worry about housework. I do pull my weight.
Because I am a stay at home mom, you may think I have no dreams for myself, but you are so wrong. My girlfriend and I talk about this often, if we had money to start up a bakery we would in a heart beat. I love to bake, I got this talent from my dear mother. There is nothing like the science behind baking, it's mesmerizing to me. I would love to run a business with my dear friend. We could even serve wines that pair well with desserts, Amber add that to our business plan. Unfortunately to start a business, you need money. Maybe the bank will take hugs and kisses? I've been told by multiple people to do it out of my house, trust me I have looked into it. It would be easier to just buy a building than do it out of my house.
I do have dreams, and things I would love to accomplish but right now my biggest priority are my beautiful girls.
Yes, I am a stay at home mom. Although it can be very difficult, it is the best job in the world.
Be proud of what you do, you always have someone looking up to you.
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