Growing up, I always said I would have 4 children. The idea of 4 children was exciting to me. A bigger family, an even number (I love even numbers), there would never be one child left out. After having my first daughter, the idea of a bigger family was no longer appealing to me. I was totally good with 2.
When you are expecting your first, everything is so exciting. Everyone tells you how great it is, and they are so incredibly excited for you to have a baby. "You'll LOVE being a mom, there's nothing better" Although this is true, I personally found it is a lot harder than anyone tells you when your expecting your first. Maybe they don't want to scare you with the truth, which is a nice thing, you don't want to scare a mom-to-be. However, I do think having some REAL knowledge is helpful. The new mom won't be as shocked, or feel like she is doing something wrong. If you want the hard and real truth of being a new mom, read on.
No one tells you about the sleepless nights, trying to care for a baby on 3 hours of sleep--and no, not 3 hours at a time I'm talking 3 hours in total. Do you know how mentally draining it is to care for a crying baby when you are so exhausted? I fell asleep so many times with my first born on my chest because I was just that tired. You will also go without having lunch some days, because well baby is fast asleep on your chest and you wouldn't dare move them to feed yourself. You'll just eat when they wake up, but then you forget because now your trying to settle baby down again.
No one tells you how damn sore your nipples are going to be. Oh my god, they are going to hurt like a bitch at the beginning of breastfeeding. The pads you wear in your bra to help with leaks, ya your nipples will stick to those. They are already sore, and now you have to peel them off the pad for babies next feeding. You will most likely cry at some point during feeding because they are just that sore. And no, they are not sore because you are doing something wrong, they are sore because you have a baby sucking on them non-stop. They are going to get raw. Nipple cream will be your savior.
No one talks about the breast milk leaking. It's a huge deal at the beginning. Your body is trying to figure out how much milk to produce, so you will have rock hard breasts at times. They will start to leak because they just can't hold anymore milk. You will want to pack extra shirts for yourself for this reason. You will also leak as soon as you hear a baby cry, even if its not yours. Baby slept well at night? Get prepared to wake up soaking wet from your milk leaking.
No one tells you, you will be craving a shower SO bad, but can't get that time to yourself for a shower. When you do get that time to shower, it has to be quick. Something happens with our brains once we have a baby, you think you ALWAYS hear them crying even if they aren't. This was the case every time I got into the shower. I thought I could hear her balling so I would be rushed to wash the shampoo out of my hair, not even bothering to try to condition my hair.
No one tells you how guilty you will feel for every single thing you do. Tired? Pass the baby off to dad, and go have a nap. But wait, because you will all of a sudden have this insane amount of guilt because you are not with your baby. Want to plan a night out with some friends? Alright, I will just pump and go for 2 hours. You WILL cry when you drive away from the amount of guilt. You will also probably cut it short to get back to your baby.
If you have never felt anxiety, get ready because your anxiety will be through the roof for every single thing. You finally get baby asleep after pacing the hallway 64 times, phew great job mom. Now, let's sit down on the couch with baby fast asleep in my arms. I really hope baby stays asleep, please sleep for at least an hour. Oh dear, baby is moving, shoot, no please baby sleep a tad bit longer. This anxiety is real, let's not even bring up the germ anxiety.
No one tells you how resentful you will be of your spouse, this was a major thing for me. I am the one with the breasts that is keeping our baby alive, this means I am the one caring for baby 98% of the time. He made this baby too. Your spouse is going to go have a beer with the guys after work, seriously? No, I have been with baby all day, get home. He is snoring as you are sitting up feeding baby, worst sound ever when you are exhausted. Want to go for a little outing? Alright mom, pack everything while hoping baby doesn't need you for 10 minutes to complete this task. If you forgot extra diapers, guess what mom, it's your fault...more guilt.
No one tells you how all of a sudden everyone you pass will have something to say about the way you are parenting. Had to go grab some bread at the store? Baby is crying, every person you will pass will comment "I think baby is hungry" Um no, I just fed baby before we left because I do have a little bit of a brain. You just smile and carry on. This was difficult for me, I never want to be seen as a mom that isn't doing a good job. Those comments were very hard.
No one tells you how many diapers you go through and laundry you will do. It's actually insane. The blow outs, oh my the blow outs. Dad will pass baby to you, here you go mom baby needs a change.
No one tells you how you as the moms are responsible for everything. Doctors appointments are made by you, and you are the one taking baby to those appointments. You are the one to hold baby as they get their shots--which is the saddest thing. In fact, after they get their shots it is recommended that you breastfeed baby to help with pain. Baby too big for their clothing? Now you have to pack baby up and go get new items because that is up to the mom.
No one tells you that baby will go through a time where they cry a lot. You will be trying everything to settle baby, but nothing will work. You may need to put baby down and go outside for a minute for fresh air. After your little 2 minute break, get back in and start trying again.
No one tells you the only way you can get housework done is to baby wear. I did love baby wearing, but my lower back hated it. You try your hardest to get your work done so your back doesn't completely break.
Now, that baby will grow up and you will have new struggles with that age group. Then you add another baby into the mix, things are a lot harder. Thankfully our second born was really easy going as a baby, but it didn't make life any easier. All the things I mentioned before still happen, just with another child to care for. Remember the falling asleep with baby on your chest? Ya, that does not happen with the second. There is no sleeping on the couch for you because your oldest needs lunch and help in the bathroom. You just now have more things to pack for an outing, more tears to wipe and way more stress.
Don't get me wrong with this blog, my husband was trying his best to help me but moms are just exactly what baby wants. There's a saying you've probably heard, Moms know best. It's true, moms are the ones that hold everything and everyone together.
I actually remember asking a friend how things are since having a baby, he responded with "Not much has changed" That is pretty typical. Not much changes for the dad, usually. They still go to work, their bodies didn't change at all, they don't have the hormones rushing through their bodies and they aren't the ones trying to figure out how to get baby to latch onto the breast. Everything changes for the mom, absolutely everything. Not one thing will stay the same.
Having a baby is very difficult, the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. After my first, I knew I wanted to have one more for the sibling love. After having my second, my husband made an appointment for a vasectomy. This should be a blog on its own. Do you know how nervous and scared he was? That was a huge deal, I reminded him multiple times I carried two babies and had two c-sections, I think you can go in for a 5 minute procedure. Don't even get me started on afterwards, I had my view into a third child let's just say that much.
Having a baby? I hope this blog didn't scare you, but I really think new moms need to be prepared on how life changing having a baby is.
Please, reach out to family and friends if you need help. Are you having a bad day? Baby won't stop crying? Are you exhausted and just need some help? Don't be ashamed of calling someone up and asking them to help for an hour or so. Anyone would jump on the chance of holding a new baby, give them some baby cuddles and yourself some self care. They say it takes a village to raise a child, remember that and don't be afraid to call your villagers. Listen to your body and mental state. This new stage is hard, but you can do it.
For us, two daughters is perfect. We honestly would have really struggled to add another baby into our life, because it is just that hard.
Our family is complete and perfect. I love having our two precious daughters. It works for us, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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