Disclaimer: This is her cancer journey through my eyes, this is in no way to discredit anything she went through during this unfortunate diagnoses.
Cancer. The scary "C" word. I never thought I would hear the C word in the same sentence as my sisters name. But unfortunately, I did. Mel has cancer. These three words hit me so damn hard.
My sister is Melanie, Mel or Smelly Melly. She is three years older than I am. She has two amazing children, Ellianna and Rieker. She lives 2 hours away from me, which I absolutely hate...especially during her illness.
November 2019, Mel called saying she was showering and when soaping up her breasts, she felt a lump. She immediately got a bad feeling about it, and called the Doctors office. They scheduled her in to see their doctor. Upon feeling the lump, the doctor decided she needed a biopsy done. They did the biopsy and beginning of December 2019, she got the diagnoses. Breast cancer, stage 2. 80% survival rate.
I remember this day so vividly. I remember my brain went to the 20% non-survival rate. 80% is good odds, I know but that fear of 20% was too much for me. I started asking myself all these questions on that 20% odd. What happens if she doesn't survive it? What am I going to do without my sister? How will her kids be? How will my kids be without their Auntie Mel? Why did this happen to her?
That day, I went out a bought a pecan pie. I ate half of that pie myself, because I guess I ate my feelings that day. I didn't know how else to deal with these crazy emotions.
I was walking to pick up Isabelle from school, and just started bawling. The emotions would hit whenever they wanted. Isabelle received an award for compassion at school, her teacher told me she was getting this award the day after Mel was diagnosed. I started weeping, her poor teacher. My emotions were just all over the place, and anything and everything set me over the top.
The day the doctors confirmed what Mel had feared, I was such a wreck. Justin came home early from work because I just needed someone.
The hard part about this fear, is I just watched it happen for my mom in 2017. Her one and only sister, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her prognosis was not as positive. Her cancer was terminal, and they gave her 5 years. Watching my mom go through all the stages of her sisters cancer, was so super hard. That final day of her life, was so hard. Hard on so many people, but I saw first hand how is destroyed my mom. Her only sister was now gone. She passed away in November 2017, Mel got her diagnoses December 2019. 2 years after a loved family member passed away from the same illness. This was running through my mind non-stop. We all miss my Aunt Joanne so much. I did not want to loose my one and only sister, like my mother did.
End of December 2019, Mel got her breast removed. This discussion was so easy for her to make, which I have always admired. She just wanted to live, so she told the doctors to just remove it. Mom, Dad and myself were all there for this surgery. There is no way I would have missed this. It was a scary, long day. But she did great!
They told her she would need to do chemotherapy, as they found some cancer in the lymph nodes. I was there for her first round of chemo, this was the one thing I really wanted to be there for. Mom and I were there with her.
Mel was so great throughout this process, she smiled at all the nurses and made small talk with everyone she saw. She continued to work through receiving her chemo. It was a long day for everyone, but I'm sure it was extra long for her. They gave her some medicine before the chemo, to help with any allergies that may arise. After that was in her body, it was time for the chemo.
I could not believe the way they do the chemo. Mel was hooked up to an IV, and there were two nurses who were dressed up like they were going into a highly infectious room. They wore a mask, face shield, double gloves and a full body gown (this was just before covid, since this sounds like a very covid-ish thing) Why the heck are they all protected, but yet that is going directly into my sister? That was terrifying to see, and I realized in that moment that my sister is getting a horrible (yet life saving) medicine put into her body.
She did her chemo like a champ, and I was so thankful I was there with her.
She started to loose her hair, so she made the decision to get her children to shave her head. She looked pretty bad ass with a shaved head. Soon enough, those small pieces of hair would fall out. Seeing my sister completely bald is something I didn't think I would ever see, and never EVER want to see again.
She did five more rounds of chemo, all of those I was not there for. I hated not being there, but distance was a huge factor and I had responsibilities at home. During her treatment, that dreaded covid became a thing. This meant, Mel had to do everything alone. No one could be there with her during any of her cancer treatments. Do you know how hard this was? Knowing that my sister had to do everything alone, all while wearing a mask, and the fear of this new scary bug. She was in and out of hospitals, which is where you don't want to be during a pandemic. I hated that she was dealing with cancer, but than to add on covid just seemed cruel.
I remember Mel calling us after one of her chemo days, and she was not doing well. The last round of chemo hit her hard. She was not feeling well at all. It was scary, and the worst part was being so far away from her. I wish I could have head over to her house to help out, but I couldn't. This freaking sucked.
That is something I really struggled with. I wanted to be there for as much as possible. She is my sister. Covid screwed that up for us. I knew I physically couldn't be there for her, and it was eating me up inside. I had a very hard time with this. We talked as much as possible, but it didn't feel the same as physically being there. I tried to do everything I could think of to show her, and myself, that I am there. I got supportive shirts made for myself and Isabelle, and anytime she had anything cancer related to do we would wear our shirts. When she had her last round of chemo, I scheduled a firetruck to do a congratulations drive by. These were small things, that made me feel a little bit better about not being there for her.
She got through all her chemo, and now had to start radiation. Again, all by herself. She did this like a champ. She decided to get the other, healthy, breast off. It decreases the chance of breast cancer returning. She had to wait awhile before this could actually happen, because that damn other c word, covid. When the time came to get that breast off, they sent it away and came to find out it also had cancer in it. It wasn't so healthy after all. Thank goodness she decided to get this breast removed. I was so proud of her.
Next, she had to go in for a oophorectomy this is where they remove her ovaries. Why do you ask? Because her cancer is hormone driven, ovaries release hormones, so goodbye ovaries. Now this mean't hot flashes. But...this is something we shouldn't get till later on in life. Why is my sister going through this as the same time as our mother? Her and I are suppose to talk about our hot flashes together in about 25 years. It may sound silly, but all these things crossed my mind.
We found out that Mel's cancer was a result of a genetic mutation, Chek2. This meant that either our mother or father passed this down to Mel. This also meant that I may have it, because we obviously have the same parents. I had a 50/50 chance of having it. I did genetic testing, which was scary, I was a wreck the entire time waiting for the results. My results came back, I do NOT have the same gene mutation. I was obviously wanting to jump for joy, but I also felt horrible that I got 'lucky' and didn't have what made my sister so sick.
We were unsure of which parent has this mutation. Our dad had prostate cancer, which can also be caused by Chek2. But my mothers side of the family has a lot of illness within it. We were up in the air of who had it.
Our mother did the test, and she has the Chek2 gene mutation. This means, my mom is more likely to get breast cancer. Great. If I have to see one more person in my family go through breast cancer, I will loose it. This also means, although not confirmed, my Aunt probably had this gene mutation. Which now means, everyone on that side of the family should get tested. This is scary. One stupid gene mutation is causing a lot of stress within our family. I just pray everyone is healthy.
Hearing, and seeing, the changes in my sister were so hard. She was bald, now has amazing curly hair (chemo curls its calls) that I am jealous of, without her breasts, a scar across her chest and discoloration on her chest from radiation. It bothered me more to hear her talk about her body in a negative way, but I don't blame her. She has had some major changes done to her. I hate that now my sister has to think about what bathing suit she will wear, because she doesn't want her scar showing. We are suppose to be just complaining about typical body stuff, "ugh, I hate the way my back fat looks like this bathing suit" type of stuff, not real life body image stuff.
Cancer was hardest on her, for obvious reasons, but it was super hard on everyone close to her. People would always ask how Mel was doing, which I appreciated so much. But no one asked me how I was. This isn't meant to sound like I am more important, but her cancer was super hard on me mentally and emotionally. I just wanted someone to acknowledge that, and notice that I am going through this process too. I know this does probably sound pretty selfish, but this is cancer through my eyes.
Mel and I recently had words, because I am acting like she is cured, but she is not yet ready to say she is cancer free. This is something I really struggle with. What do you mean you aren't cancer free? Your cancer is gone, they got it all. Let's celebrate now. She doesn't want to.
I hear this is normal, i'm told she will always have a dark cloud over her head with this fear of cancer.
I see her hair growing back, she is getting reconstructive surgery...to me these are all steps saying she is cancer-free. This is something I need to work at understanding better, and I am working on trying to do just that. Unless you have been through it personally, I guess it is just hard to see it the way she does.
I think I am just so incredibly happy that my sister choose to fight this, and to me she won. I am ready to celebrate that. I am ready to scream it on the top of my lungs. She isn't yet, and that is okay. I am here to celebrate, whenever, if ever, she is ready to.
Cancer picked the wrong girl.
Check your breasts, please.
I love you Mel
xoxo
SS
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