Being a single mom is twice the work, twice the stress, twice the tears, but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.
Let's be real, mom guilt is a REAL thing. Regardless of your marital status, motherhood comes with so much guilt.
It starts from the moment we are pregnant. You can't eat this, you can't do that. With my second pregnancy I was so sick, the ONLY thing I could stomach was Subway Ham subs. If you have been pregnant, you will know deli meat is a no-no! I was in this position; do I go hungry and not feed my baby, or feed her the only thing I can which Drs say not to do? I decided to eat my deli-meat. Mom guilt. But I had to eat, so I dealt with that guilt. For anyone wondering, that deli-meat at the beginning of my pregnancy caused zero harm to my baby.
They are born, and now guilt becomes a huge part of your daily. Baby is crying, but you need that 2 minute shower? Mom guilt. Your baby is crying in someone else's arms while you take a breather. Mom guilt. Your breastfed baby has an upset belly now from something you ate. Mom guilt. Dad gets up with crying baby so you can sleep a little. Mom guilt. You go out without baby. Mom guilt. You can literally feel guilty about everything you do as a mom.
Add in single motherhood, and the mom guilt intensifies.
I was cutting my grass the other day when this blog idea came into my head.
I had to cut the back and front lawn, usually about a 1.5 hour job. One that when the house was purchased as a couple, was never suppose to be my job. But, here I am, cutting the grass. As I'm cutting, I have major guilt. My daughters are out front with me, playing in my car. Pretending to take their babies a variety of places. They were content playing, and I was working. The amount of guilt I felt was insane. I don't know if it was because I was working and not able to do something else with them, or if I felt like they thought I didn't want to be with them. Whatever it was, guilt ran over my body.
I am running a house solo, and a business, and two busy girls. It's a lot. I don't get a ton of downtime with them, I have so much on my list to complete within my day it becomes the focus.
I sat in my guilt for a little, but after a bit I changed my tune.
My girls are seeing me run a house alone. A business alone. I am a mom to them alone. They are seeing their mom use the lawn mower. They are seeing their mom take care of the outside, just as I do the inside. I am showing them that I can do it. I am fully capable, even with me being alone and a female, I can do it.
Now, don't get me wrong there is a ton I cannot do too. I can do little fixings around the house, that need a screwdriver or thumb tacks (thank-you for that invention) Anything above that, I need to call in someone else. Even if I need to get help, I am showing them how to do things alone. It's okay to ask for help if you don't have the proper skill set. I'm not ashamed, so hopefully they will also know it is okay to ask for help.
I worry I'm not able to give them the same experiences that their dad can. I'm not able to take them away for a weekend, I can't buy them everything they want (not that they need this)
Although I can't give them things that may cost a lot of money, I can give them love and nourishment. I can show them the simple things in life, I an provide healthy and safe relationships for them. I am everything they need. The mom guilt has to stop!
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom, but we all know there is no such thing. We all make mistakes, we all feel guilty, jealous, sadness. It's how we change the story we are telling ourselves.
We need to take time to think about all the positives that come with what we might see as a negative. Taking that time to step back from the situation and look at it as a whole is very reflective.
Don't get stuck in that guilt, take it and turn it into a positive. Look at what you are teaching your children, who in reality we are raising to be respectful, accomplished humans that contribute to their community in some way. That is the hope here, not that I play Barbies with them.
Guilt will just weigh you down, don't let it.
xoxo
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