Let's talk marriage first, get to know my husband and I before we get into the juicy stuff.
We met in 2008 at a mutual friends garage party, real classy first meeting...I know. He must have already had a few beer, because as soon as I walked in he offered me a beer. Reaching into his cooler and handed me a nice cold one. Anyone who knows Justin, knows he is a very shy, keep to himself, type of guy. This is why I say he must have already been feeling pretty good that night. We ended up chatting all night long, he never left my side that entire night (not in a creepy way)
We laughed at some of the ridiculous things his friends were doing, we had some serious chats and we just had fun that night. I ended up giving him my number.
A couple days went by, and I never heard from him. I figured, I must have enjoyed the company more than he did that night. On the third day I received a text message from him. Something simple like "hey its justin" Just like that, no caps on his name or anything. I told you, he is a very simple guy. We ended up setting up a date.
He asked me to meet him in a parking lot, during the day, by his place of work. We were meeting for 5, and had planned to go for dinner. 5:30 rolls around, and no sign of his crazy loud Ford Ranger (you could hear him coming from a mile away)
5:45, still no Justin. I have messaged him to see what is going on. He writes back and says he got stuck at work late, he will be there soon. 6pm, 1 hour after meet time, I finally hear this insanely loud roar from his truck. Here rolls up Justin, 1 hour late. We both get out of our vehicles. He says "hi" That's actually all he said, again, very quiet guy. I replied with a "hello, where would you like to go for dinner?" You know his reply? "Um, well I have to go home to shower after working. We can go for dinner after that" So I followed that silver roaring truck all the way to his parents house.
We get there, and I met a friend of his. He is a very loud, in your face kind of guy. He was helping himself to some beer in their fridge. I then hear footsteps coming down the stairs. I see two woman coming down. One says "oh my god, its a girl Sam!" I come to find out this is Justin's mother. --For the record, she would not have been upset if it wasn't a girl Sam. --Justin had just never had a date before, which I was coming to fully understand why. The other woman, his Aunt, asked me about 12 rapid fire questions. Remember, Justin and I had not even gotten into all this stuff. This was our first date!
He goes to have his shower, I sat in the living room with his mom and dad. Everyone in this house at this point is a complete stranger to me. This is unlike any first date I have ever been on.
Justin finishes up in the shower, and asks me where I wanted to go. His mother said she had BBQ chicken pizza in the oven, and we are welcome to stay. She was the sweetest, and I could tell her excitement with me being there. I thought, what the heck, we are here now might as well. So we did just that.
After dinner, we talked about watching a movie together. He had a TV in his room. So, we ended up going to a corner store that rented out movies. Spoiler alert, this store ended up being our favourite place to go. We would read the backs of all the movies, finally pick one after much deliberation and then pick out some snacks.
We head back to his house, most likely with a romantic movie in hand. We start the movie, and hear a very light knock on his bedroom door. His mother walks in, with popcorn made for us. She didn't know if I liked butter on my popcorn, so what did she do? She had some melted in a bowl for us to add if we'd like. Talk about the sweetest mom.
We finish our movie, and say goodbye. After this day, we saw each other every single day. And if we didn't see each other, we would talk on the phone for hours. So much so, that Justin's parents had to upgrade their phone to include long distance because we were costing them too much money.
That's how our love story began, nothing out of a romantic movie, but it's our love story.
We ended up buying a house together in 2011, engaged in 2012 and married in 2013. (Thankfully I am not superstitious with that wedding year) I love the number 8, for no reason at all, so I wanted to get married on the 8th.
November 8th, 2013 was our wedding day. It was a beautiful day, with very little hiccups throughout the day.
Shortly after our wedding, I got sick. I ended up with Pericarditis, which is inflammation of the sac around the heart. I will write a blog about this, as it was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. I was in and out of hospitals, rushed down by ambulance to ICU. I never thought saying 'in sickness and in health' would come so soon after our wedding day. But, it did. Justin was the rock I needed during that time, and showed me why I married him. He worked all day, and would come visit me until the nurses kicked him out at night. He did that every single day. There was not a day that he did not come see me in the hospital. I got so lucky with him.
I remember a friend of mine, telling me how Justin treats me like a princess. She was right, he spoiled me rotten.
After some lousy months of being sick, I finally got the okay to get pregnant. So Justin and I started a new journey. I ended up getting pregnant fairly quickly, and guess what came back? My Pericarditis. So I had to be seen by a high risk hospital throughout my pregnancy, and every appointment for the baby, I would also see a cardiologist. I was well taken care of.
Justin again was there for everything I needed. During the pregnancy, all those cravings. All the emotions. Everything. I was 100% his princess.
In 2015, we welcomed our first daughter Isabelle. She was perfect, and nameless for the first day of her life.
Having a baby is hard. It's hard on you, your marriage and just life in general. The first few months were good, Justin was very helpful and things were going pretty smooth. But, then Isabelle started with colic. Oh my. This is the hardest part of having a baby, by far. She screamed and cried, a lot. I was so exhausted and frustrated. Justin was at a loss on what to do. I should also mention, I breastfed both of our girls. I feel that plays a role in marriage after kids.
We were at ends, because I needed help and was so exhausted, and he felt like he couldn't settle her because the only thing that she wanted was to go on the boob. Honestly, I had a lot of jealousy towards him during that time. When baby woke up screaming and crying at night, he didn't go in because Isabelle wanted the boob. I understand that completely now, but during that time when emotions are high, and exhaustion is at a major high, I didn't feel that way. I was so upset that, in my mind at the time, he wasn't helping me out. I remember glaring at him one night while I was burping Isabelle after a midnight feed, and Justin was snoring away. So many emotions hit that you would never have thought of before having kids.
We were both adjusting to this new human that was ours. Our life had changed completely. We no longer had the freedom to go anywhere, or do anything we wanted. And if you have kids, you understand this, if you don't you probably won't.
We got through that difficult time, and things were great again.
In 2018, we welcomed our second daughter Olivia. Justin named her as soon as she came out, so she was not nameless for even a minute.
It was after Olivia that marriage really changed. I would be taking care of Olivia, because again breastfeeding. Justin would be with Isabelle. We went on a camping and amusement park trip shortly after having Olivia. That entire trip, I think I spent maybe 4 hours total with Isabelle and Justin. Olivia was a newborn, so I stayed with her while Justin took Isabelle on all the fun rides. We were so preoccupied with these two beautiful girls, our marriage was put on the back burner. We ended up doing this for about 2 years. Not focusing on each other.
We ended up feeling like roommates instead of husband and wife. So, we scheduled in time to have date nights at home, or out. Whatever we could do. In all honesty, we tried super hard to do these nights, but he worked physical work all day and I was exhausted from having the girls all day, and house work. Once the girls were in bed, we just wanted to relax ourselves. Trying to find that balance of self-care and marriage was, and still is, super difficult.
We also realized how different our upbringings were after we had children. I remember going to Great Wolf Lodge (super amazing place to go with kids by the way!) and taking Isabelle into the souvenir shop. I told her to pick out something she would like, I was probably more excited than she was! Justin chimes in with a "What? Why would she get a souvenir?" I was dumbfounded. What do you mean why would she get a souvenir? We are on vacation, she picks something to remember the trip by. He explained to me that he never got to do that as a kid. He was brought up with a stay at home mom, a hard working dad and 2 older brothers. They watched their money very closely because of their lifestyle. I grew up with 2 working parents and an older sister. We got anything and everything we wanted. In this situation, I was very stern that Isabelle gets to pick a toy. To me, it just wasn't a trip if you don't do that. Isabelle picked out an adorable truck with a wolf, who looks exactly like our dog. And she was as happy as could be. Justin and I never spoke about this again, but more situations like this arose. Since we hadn't talked about this situation, all the other items that would come up were also not discussed. Don't do this. Talk about your differences and figure out a way to make it work for all involved. This was a big issue for us.
As we all know, Covid hit and life became even more stressful and scary. Justin and I were at the worst we could have ever been. We were dealing with the unknowns of this new scary bug, homeschooling, trying to keep everyone safe and still trying to find ways to keep sane. Socializing is a big hit we take as stay at home moms, and this was even worse when Covid hit.
I moved in with my parents for a week because we were just so stressed out with everything, we were fighting more than we should be. It wasn't fair to the girls, or to us. After that week break, I came back home and we had a long talk. We both said we have a lot to work on, individually and as a married couple. We don't put enough effort into us, because we are so focused on our girls. We are too stressed about what might happen, instead of enjoying life now. We agreed to take our marriage off the back burner, we are just as important as the girls.
We are spending more quality time together. We are being more upfront with any frustrations we may have. It is not easy some days, but it is a lot better.
Marriage after children is hard. Will you agree on the same way of parenting? How will your upbringings differ? Will you communicate about all your frustrations?
I have learnt, and I am in no way an expert, communication is key. It really is. Don't let parenting differences or frustrations go unspoken. We all have a different ideas for parenting. And that's okay, but figuring out how to compromise is what's important.
Everyone asks after the wedding, "How does it feel to be married?" No different at all. We already lived together, the only thing that changed was my last name. The real change to a marriage is after you have children. That is where the test is. That is where your major differences and compromise skills will come into play.
Having children is amazing, it really is. But it is also very challenging, on you and your spouse.
One thing I really love about having children with my husband, is knowing there is no one in this entire world that will love the girls the way that we do. And that is a pretty special bond that him and I will always share.
Marriage is work, hard work with or without children. Don't put your spouse on the back burner, keep them upfront with your kids.
I love you Justin.
xoxo
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