You owe yourself the love that you so freely give others
That quote speaks to me more today than it would have 6 months ago. 6 months ago, I may have laughed at that quote. How can I "owe" myself anytime? I am a mom I can't even use the washroom by myself. The thought of me having time to myself was honestly overwhelming, and a little depressing to be honest.
Six months ago, I had a change happen in my life. Something that my husband is uncomfortable sharing, and I respect that. What I can tell you is, what happened six months ago caused me to really question my life. I questioned my marriage and my own confidence. What happened caused me to take a look at the life I was living, and honestly I realized how unhappy I was.
My wedding was a perfect, fairy-tale wedding. I had no complaints about the day, in fact our wedding day November 8th, 2013 was the first snow fall of the year. It was magical.
Our marriage was tested almost immediately with me falling very ill in January of 2014. Our marriage only got stronger, Justin showed so much strength and love during the scariest time of our lives. I got healthier, and we welcomed our first daughter. Our marriage was now pretty amazing, we now have this beautiful girl who we created together. We decided to add another one into our family, and during that pregnancy is when our marriage changed drastically. We welcomed our second daughter into the family, and my marriage only got worse. We were both adjusting to this new family of four, and Justin was also dealing with some mental health issues. He showed a lack of interest in activities, and became extremely moody. I was living a life where I never knew what Justin I would get, would he be good today or is he going to get mad about everything today? I was living on a roller coaster, day after day, and I couldn't get off.
I lived this life for 4 years, and had become a more distant person, with my confidence being lowered constantly.
6 months ago, I told him to get out. I can't do it anymore, and he left. He moved in with his parents, and the girls and I stayed in the house. During this time, Justin finally reached out to our family doctor for help with his mental health. He took control of his life, and did something that he didn't want to do, but that's what saved us. We are better today than we were at what we thought was our best. He is keeping up with his mental health, and has impressed me beyond belief with how much he can love. Our marriage is not perfect, he wants to move and I don't, see not perfect. No marriage is, that's how we grow and evolve. It's how we are able to fall more in love with someone.
I'm in love with our love again, and it's an amazing feeling.
The biggest thing I questioned 6 months ago was my confidence. I was questioning everything about myself; Am I even pretty? Why did I get so big? Why would anyone like me? Talk about low confidence, but that's unfortunately a result of the marriage I lived in. I hated feeling this way, HATED it.
Let's look at the confidence timeline together
First photo is 2008, I was in love with fashion, got my hair coloured, I just took good care of myself. I had the time, I could go sit at the hair dressers for 2 hours it wasn't an issue. Life was so simple.
Second photo is 2019, in the mix of the difficult time in my marriage. I didn't take good care of myself; I ate poorly, I dressed for purely comfort, I wore oversize clothing and I wore ugly shoes. I had minimal confidence.
Third photo is recent, 2022. I'm back to taking better care of myself, and I put in the time now. This has been huge for me, so I'm going to break it all down.
How I started was with my eating. I cut out a lot of the crap, pop was the first thing to go. I replaced it with water, now lemon water for reasons I will get into later. I started eating healthier options, and stopped my snacking.
Along with that, I started doing Yoga with Adrienne. I don't commit to everyday, because for me that turns me off of doing it. When I do yoga, I feel better so now I crave practicing. Doing these two small changes, has resulted in weight loss. Weight loss has now given me some more confidence. I am getting lucky seeing the difference in my stomach. This means I am enjoying clothing again.
I'm getting back into fashion, and loving every second of it!! I actually got thinking about this blog after I picked up my oldest at school. I was dressed cute, pulled out some heels that haven't seen the light in way too long. I felt good, so I dressed the way I felt. A mom asked "Oh why all dressed up? Who are you dressed up for?" It really got me thinking (shocker, as the over-thinker that I am) Why do I need a reason to dress up? If I want to dress up, I can! Even if it's a random Tuesday. The bigger question I asked myself was, why can't I just be dressed up for me? Why would I dressed up for someone else?
If you are in a sweatshirt with track pants, hair in a bun you will probably feel sloppy. If you dress up, wear a cute top with jeans and a pair of heels, you are going to feel put together and confident. When I feel better about myself, I really think about what I eat. It all works together for me which is why I dress up for no one but myself.
This needs its own paragraph, bras. Men, move on. Ladies, throw out your nursing bras (unless you are still nursing of course, you wear that thing with pride!) If you are done breastfeeding however, throw the thing out! Yes, it is comfortable as heck, but it is NOT flattering at all. Go get yourself a good bra. Seriously. It doesn't even need to be expensive, I got mine from Amazon. You need a push up bra. Your breasts change drastically after having a baby and breastfeeding, they aren't as perky as they once were. The plus, they might be bigger like in my case. A push up bra will bring the girls up, and show off your waist. It was game changing for me.
Self-care is huge. Lately I've been really enjoying baths, afterwards applying some self tanner so I don't get mistaken as Casper; although friendly, I prefer to not be see-through. I blow dry my hair, and style it. I apply makeup, I wear a cute outfit and I am working on roughing up my feet again to wear heels more often!
I have a love, hmm obsession, with shoes and feel bad for them all packed away. I worked at Nine West, which is a shoe store with some beautiful items. Being an employee, you had to wear their product. A reason, plus a discount; you would be disgusted if you saw how many shoes I own(ed) I'm pulling out my shoe collection now, they change the way an outfit looks entirely!
Thanks to Facebook, I was able to find a photo of my shoe collection. This was before children, I used what is now Olivia's room as my shoe room. I wish I was joking...
Now that you've seen that, can we move on? Wait, we can't. I just found out about a store within our town that sells shoes for an incredible price. Jessica Simpson, Steve Madden, Aldo, Nine West $8.00. EIGHT DOLLARS!! If that doesn't make sense to you, compare it at an average of $100. There may be a new collection starting...OKAY now moving on from shoes.
Something I have always struggled with is my skin. Since I was young I have always had bad skin, lots of acne. I eventually just figured, it will just never go away. Until recently, when I started working on my confidence. I have been working hard to figure out what is going on. I have gone for blood work to check hormones, my hormones are all normal. I have been going to a medical esthetician, getting procedures done, but they also don't understand what is going on with my skin. I am trying a line I used in high school that worked, so far it seems to be doing the trick. This is also where the lemon water comes in. They say lemon water is the best for your skin, so now that is all I drink (with the exception of tea and wine) I am working very hard to figure out what works and doesn't work for my skin, so hopefully I can get it under control.
I'm getting my hair coloured again! I use to get my hair coloured all the time, blonde. Oh I loved my hair blonde. The upkeep and the expense was a lot, but without kids I was able to do that. I stopped colouring my hair shortly after having my second, it just became impossible. I was noticing more and more grey hair coming in, and I was hating it. I hated my hair, so I went and got blonde highlights put in. I am loving my hair again, I just feel myself with blonde. I may even add more blonde next time!
2008
Music. I have found my love for music again. The photo you just saw is a crop out, WHAT?! I almost tricked you, but it's true. Who did I crop out you wonder? That is Alex from All Time Low, a band I loved. I remember that concert, we went to see Forever the Sickest Kids but also enjoyed ATL. We would meet the bands afterwards, always getting photos especially with the cute ones! I freaking loved concerts, I went to one almost monthly. For me, it is a feeling I can't get anywhere else. Although I have not been to a concert in a while thanks to Covid, I am listening to music that I haven't listened to for awhile. I loved the band Something Corporate, saw them so many times. The singer from that band, Andrew McMahon, now does his own music. I put on concerts found on YouTube of him, I make it feel like I'm at a concert. Music really has a way of bringing you back, and listening to some of my favourites does just that.
Doing all of this, I was able to find myself again.
How am I able to do this? I make myself able to do this. Thanks to Turning Red, I am able to put a movie on for the girls while I do something for me. I once had guilt if I did this, but now I don't. I NEED that time so that I can be a better mom, and person. I am worthy of that time to myself. It means I get up earlier in the day so I can get myself ready too. One way or another, I will find a way to do something for myself daily because I deserve and crave it.
I'm not perfect, I have my struggles still. I take anti-depressants for depression. This is in no way to say I have the best life, because not one single person does. I am however saying that you can change the way you feel about yourself. Put the work into yourself, put yourself first for once. Are there days that I wear leggings and a baggy sweatshirt, no make up, hair in a crazy mom bun? 100% yes. I'm not fancy everyday, trust me. I am human after all.
To end this, I am challenging you right now. Take one day this week where you put extra time in yourself. Dress cute, maybe something that you have been too scared to wear. Put on some cute shoes, do your hair and put on a little makeup. See how you feel. Challenge yourself to do it more often, you will see the benefits.
So am I bettering myself for my husband? Am I doing it for my girls? Am I doing it for you? No, I'm doing it 100% for me.
It's completely for myself.
Do it for yourself too.
SS
Comments