Friendships changed. Wow, did they ever change. Do you know how many people told me they can't wait to meet Isabelle, and have yet to meet her? Okay, I'm getting too ahead of myself, and a little saucy. Let's start off a little lighter.
I am very lucky with the friends I have, the close friends. I am so blessed with them. I have three very close, best friends. Yes, three isn't a big number but the strength and love I get from those three individuals makes me feel like I am the most popular person.
Let's meet these wonderful friends I have. I'm going to go in order of who I met first.
My first girlfriend, I have known since high school. We have always been friends, but not as close as we are today. She was always more into the academics of school, I was more into the social part of school. We would get together in group settings, but not so much one on one. We started more one on one a little after school, and never stopped.
She met her husband in school, yes they are high school sweethearts. His friends and our friends became one big group of friends. It was a really nice unity, we all mixed together so well. I can tell you, their wedding sure was a party!
Speaking of weddings, she was the matron of honour in mine. I loved having her stand with me on one of the biggest days of my life.
Her and her husband now have two beautiful children, whom I look at as my niece and nephew. We are both referred to as Auntie, which I am so happy we decided to do that.
Her and I are so much alike, in many ways. We are both more sensitive and both family driven. Our sensitivity is what I think makes us so close to each other. We know what to say, and what not to say. And if we happen to say something that is upsetting to the other, we know exactly how to address this without making the situation any worse. I really admire the communication her and I have.
I'm also super close with her family. Since her and I are so close, I have become friends with her sister too. Her parents are amazing, and they are the cool parents that you actually want at your gatherings. I can't wait to go on a winery trip with her mom, I can just imagine the laughs we will have!
I had Isabelle exactly 10 months before she welcomed her daughter into the world. Things didn't change too much with our friendship when I had a child and she didn't. Aside from me not being able to get together as often. Once she got pregnant, we got even closer. There is nothing more bonding to friends than going through the same experience. Our kids are awesome together, and have the cutest ways of saying each others names.
I love that we can talk about anything and everything, with no judgement. We say what is on our minds, we have an understanding that aside from our husbands and family, no one else will know our conversation. It is very therapeutic.
You are my person, you will always be my person. I love you so much.
My next friend, our friendship started from a different kind of meeting. I was at a friends house party, this is before kids when I could easily do that. A friend of mine was bringing a girl that he had gone on a date with. Our group of friends were always seen as, not the most welcoming. She was told this, and was coming into this party feeling a little uneasy. I introduced myself and we got chatting. One of the first things I learnt about her was her love for Hanson. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE Hanson. I immediately knew this girl is super cool. We talked more, and found out a lot more similarities. One more including our love for sangria, and she makes some pretty amazing ones (except for that one that tasted like cough medicine...but let's forget about that one)
Our friendship only grew stronger. We clicked on so many levels. We had so many shopping trips, where we would spend way too much money (like that time at Target...whoops)
We became so close, that she was in my wedding. I loved having her in it. She was so incredibly helpful. She lived super close to me, so I would go over often to get help with random things.
I had Isabelle, and she was still super helpful. Nothing about our friendship changed. I admired this so very much.
Unfortunately, my friend and her went their separate ways. This mean't she didn't live so close to me anymore. Instead of 5 minutes, we were now 2 hours apart. Our friendship changed in the way that we couldn't see each other as often, but when we do see each other it's like nothing has changed.
She does not have any children, well she does have a fur baby, but she still manages to understand and appreciate the fact that I do. Nothing has changed in our friendship since children came. This is one of the many reasons I love her.
The three of us are super close, and do a lot of hangouts. Some of my favourite memories are going to see Brad Paisley together. Remember that time we were drinking, because what else do you do at a country concert, and I thought Carrie Underwood was there? Oh I started screaming. My one girlfriend had to break the news to me, that was not actually her...they did some fancy screen thing to make it look like she was. Well, that trick worked on me!
With covid, we have also made a virtual wine night. These are so fun. We drink way too much, and just chat. Although these virtual wine nights make me miss real, in-person wine nights.
My next friend is one that I made more recently. I never thought you could make such a close friend into adulthood. I'm not too sure why. I guess I always thought to be a good friend, you have to know everything I have been through. Which to me, mean't length of time we have known each other. I was so very wrong.
September 2019 I dropped Isabelle off at school, junior kindergarten here we come. Dropping off and picking up, you always see the same parents. You give a friendly hello, and move on. However, her and I just started talking. We talked SO much, sometimes we would be standing outside the school for half an hour just chatting up a storm. The best part was, her oldest son and Isabelle were in the same class. They knew each other, and got along, so well.
We both joined school council together, which gave us even more to talk about. We decided to do a play date, and it went insanely well. She has three precious boys, and all five kids get along very well.
Her and I are pretty different from each other. She is very adventurous, some of the stuff she has done make me nervous just thinking about it. With that statement, you now know I am the opposite. I am scared of everything. She is very witty, I am so not. She is not as sensitive as I am, I don't want to say she is not sensitive at all because everyone is to some degree. But most things that upset me, wouldn't even phase her.
I love how she makes me feel. She knows when to joke, and when to be real. She makes me come out of my shell, a little, not too much--i'm still never using the outhouse at the trailer. She helps me see things in a different light.
She is the type of friend that also knows all my secrets, but she isn't judgmental at all. She helps you work through issues, with a little sparkle of laughter. We also have some outstanding wine nights, her and I laugh so much. I am so incredibly thankful for her friendship. I have so much love for her, and her family.
I do have some other good friends, that I have a lot of respect for.
Now, let's talk about other friendships after children.
We had a big group of friends, like I said before, my girlfriends husbands friends became part of our group. We became one big group of awesome friends. We would have a lot of parties, almost every weekend.
We did an annual cottage trip together, and that was always full of fun, ridiculous and crazy moments. Our Friday nights at the cottage were always so wild, underwear party anyone?
After I had Isabelle, things changed. I was the first in our group to have a child. Everyone else was still free to do parties every weekend, I however was not. I remember going to a buck and doe, moms night out wahoo, and one of my friends asked me how Annabelle was doing. Um, excuse me? Annabelle, you mean Isabelle. I was so upset. You are my friend, how do you not know her name? This is something I will never forget. For those with children, you can understand. Your children become your world, and when others don't notice them or even know their name, you get pretty defensive (at least I do, but again, i'm very sensitive)
I would be invited to parties, and usually would reply that I would be there. With children, you can never plan anything. They usually always find a way to take over those plans. It seemed like every time I had something planned, Isabelle would come down with a fever, or wouldn't sleep the night before so I was exhausted. I cancelled a lot. Not because I didn't want to go, I actually really did, but because I am a mom.
Being a mom is the most important job to me, I could never go out to a party and have a sick child at home. That just isn't me. I eventually stopped getting invited to things. Even now, internet hang outs are happening (because Covid) and I don't get an invite.
This is super hard, because I feel like since I have kids and major responsibilities, I get excluded from things. I know if you don't have children, you won't understand this. It's hard to wrap your head around it. "I invited her to five parties, she cancelled every single one. I guess she doesn't have an interest" In reality, I am CRAVING social time. Stay at home moms need social time. I swear the workers at our local grocery store run every time they see me, "oh that lady again, I don't feel like a long conversation about cucumbers today" Seriously, it's a thing.
I am a mom, the most important job out there. If my girls are sick, I cancel whatever I need to so I can be with them. If you don't like that, or respect it, that's fine.
I personally found that when I announced my pregnancy, everyone was so excited "oh my, I cannot wait to meet baby!" Some of those people who said that 5.5 years ago, have yet to meet my baby.
At first, I took such offense to this. Isabelle was my world, how come my friends aren't interested in her? I have grown to realize that she is MY world, not theirs. I am not going to force, or beg anyone to be a part of my girls lives. I want people around us that want that on their own.
I know, life gets busy and hard. I think once you have children, friendships become more difficult. If it's a friendship worth keeping, you work through those challenges and try to understand the other person. Those are the friendships I admire and want.
Now, I still know with all my high school friends, if I needed them for anything they would be there for me. Just as I would for them. And I do hope to see them at some gatherings. Our lives are in different places, and I just don't think our friendships were strong enough to keep a close friendship going. It's no ones fault, it's just what happens when you become a parent. Responsibilities change.
Friendships are important, and I am so over the moon with the ones I have.
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