Mar 17, 20216 min read

Body image after pregnancy

Prepare yourself, you can do this. Be truthful. Everyone struggles with body issues. You are not alone. Come on Sam, you've got this! ...Okay, let's do this.

This is a very hard topic to write/talk about, even though so many people deal with this exact issue. I told myself that these blogs would be truthful, not sugar coated and relatable, so here we go.

When I got married, I was at a good, healthy weight. I felt pretty good about myself, although I would pick at certain flaws that only I would see. That is, unfortunately, very typical. Ever seen Mean Girls? We all do it, some more than others.

I use to have such a flat stomach, like not an inch of fat to it. This was perfect because I love fashion, and I felt like I could wear just about everything. Shopping was a pass time of mine, my girlfriends and I would go out clothing shopping anytime we had anything to go to. Even if it was just meeting some friends at a restaurant, it was time to go get a new outfit! It was such a joy, I loved every second of it. Always grabbing a small, or a medium shirt or dress with no feeling attached to the size. It was just pure joy. I LOVE dresses, so much. I am definitely more of a girly, flirty type of fashion lover. So a dress with floral pattern was always my go to, and honestly always looked good on me. Pair those dresses with some really cute heels, and I was feeling like a million bucks.

Now, for the hard stuff. I got pregnant in 2015, and if you read my previous post, I had heart issues during my pregnancy. These heart issues could have caused heart issues for my darling Isabelle, thank god it didn't. However, the fear of that was too much to handle. I was stressed during my pregnancy, and what do I do when I'm stressed? I eat. So I ate, plus I was pregnant so I used that as my excuse "But the baby wants cotton candy"

Every appointment, I would get weighed. Seriously, don't we go through enough with pregnancy?! I was always told my weight gain was good, so I never worried about it. My very last weigh in before Isabelle was born, I realized I had gained 60 pounds. 60lbs! A healthy weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 lbs. I was way over a healthy weight gain. Anyone who has been here, knows it is so easy to put on but so hard to take off. After having Isabelle, I did loose about 20lbs 2 weeks after she was born.

While I was pregnant, I didn't mind because I had this huge baby bump. After she was born, it was just fat. It was awful. That's when I started hating my body. I know, I should love it because it just carried a healthy baby and I am so lucky I got that blessing. I think I was more upset with myself that I let my weight gain get so bad during my pregnancy. I should have had more control, but I didn't.

After hating my body so much, I decided I'm going to get healthy and loose weight. So, I did about a week or two of that. I wasn't getting results fast enough so I just gave up. Instead, I just bought baggy shirts and leggings, my now go-to outfit.

In 2017 I got pregnant with my second, Olivia. The hospital I went to was more on top of my weight. They always made comments, good vs bad, about my weight gain. I was more in check with my weight gain for that pregnancy. I gained 20lbs that pregnancy, so a healthy weight gain, although my starting weight was not a healthy weight. After having Olivia, I went back down to my weight after I had Isabelle, which was still 40 lbs heavier than I was.

Now come 2020, everyone knows what happened in this year. Covid. That stupid bug, as Isabelle says. We are all at home, making cookies and delicious warm bread. I'm pretty sure everyone found a bread recipe they enjoy during Covid.

Do you know how much I love cookie dough? It's my go-to, and I always crave it. They say people are gaining the Covid weight, and that is 100% true with me. I have put on 20 lbs since Covid. Now, I am up to my weight I was at the end of my pregnancy with Isabelle. This is where I am today, and I can tell you I hate my body even more.

I feel I can't enjoy fashion like I use to, now I know I could but I am just too afraid of someone asking me when my baby is due. This is a legit fear of mine. So, my fashion consists of black leggings (or sweatpants), over sized sweater, runners and my hair in a bun. Isabelle always states this is the 'mom look' I want to wear all the fashion trends, do you know how bad I wanted to jump on the high-waisted jeans with a crop top trend? I love that look, but my body at the weight it's at, would just look not cute.

I also don't want to shop because I am now grabbing for an XL, and even sometimes that is too tight. For me, this is very difficult.

I LOVE shoes, I seriously have way too many. Since I am heavier now, my feet get really sore with even just runners. There is no way I can wear heels, unless I am going to sit for most of the time. It sucks.

I know what your thinking, just loose weight. I've tried so many times. I have tried diets, eating healthy and exercise but I always find an excuse to give up. I go right back to my old eating habits, and continue to hate my body.

Lately, I find my energy is down and I am not as mobile as I use to be. You are probably picturing me now like I am on My 600-lb life, which I should clarify I am not like that. I just find it harder to get off the floor sometimes, my back hurts, my knees crack. Maybe this is an age thing, but I'm thinking more weight.

I am at the point that it's not just for fashion, but for my health, and setting a good example for my girls.

My one side of the family has unfortunately lost some loved ones due to a fatty liver. The last few months of their lives were miserable. I need to think of this during my weak moments, I don't want to end up with a fatty liver.

I need to get healthy.

I am back on a health journey, and I plan on staying on this journey. I plan on making lifestyle changes. I'm tired of feeling the way I do, I need a change. I know it's not going to be easy, but I have great support system behind me. In fact, my entire family is working on the same goal at the same time, this will help us to support one another. I also have friends who are getting me more active, by going on walks, and I'm actually going to be doing fitness swims once a week with one of my besties. I'm so excited for that.

I'm also writing this now to keep me on this journey. This will be my accountability to myself.

I know I will have weak moments, I know I will have weeks I don't loose and feel like giving up. I need to remember, this is not an immediate change. It took me 32 years to get my unhealthy lifestyle, I will not change to a healthy lifestyle in a few weeks or months.

If you're reading this, I want you to see I succeeded at something, I didn't fail.

I know this isn't going to be easy, because well I've tried it before, but I am needing to get healthy. It's not about the weight loss, as much as it is about feeling good in my daily life.